(And Other Useless Life Skills)

So, I got my results back yesterday – AAAAAABCC – which means that I’m now properly officially finished one year of art school. Thusly, a list of weird shit that happened to me this year.

Fresher’s Week

Basically, fuck all happened. Some people end up doing crazy things on freshers week for reasons such as they just moved to a new place and don’t remember how to get home, trying to impress people or just general drunkenness.

Anyway, the most I got up to was awkward hanging out with randoms on my first day (none of which I’ve ever seen/spoken to again but all of which I’ve got in my phone).

I also went to the uni-societies fair and ended up in a deserted room and joining the sci-fi society because they looked so pleased to see someone at their table. The only upside of this was the freshers-intro meeting thing (also known as Freshercon!) where we watched Galaxy Quest, and I’d forgotten how awesome it was.(1)

The Zoo

This is my painting, I used my own blood. MENSTRUAL BLOOD.

I don’t really want to explain this further. (2)

Stuff That Could Have Been Art But Maybe Wasn’t

There was a shoe stuck to the ceiling. Then it was gone. Why was it there? Where did it go? There was also one stuck to my friend’s wall at one point but that’s a bit easier to explain.

For a long time there was a scarf around one of the trees and the soap was all carved and there’s always stuff hanging in the trees in the quad.

Fire Alarm

It was caused my molten wax. NYUUUUUUUUUUUU. Anyway, no one thought it was a real alarm for like fifteen minutes, then they were like, FUCK YOU FIRE I’M FINISHING MY SOUP, and then we all went outside and stood around till it stopped. Everyone was pissed ’cause it was at lunchtime, and that’s like, our time.

Fake Mustaches

Yeah, I’ve been to a lot of parties/museums wearing a fake mustache or two. I dunno why, it just happens. I have a pack of them in my locker. It’s like the drunk traffic cone(3): you get tipsy and acquire one but don’t know how or why.

After normal parties you have to tidy up bottles and cans, after ours you have to pick up mustaches(4) and un-stick the shoe from the wall. That’s how we roll.

Parties

Well, to be honest I was mostly and probably still am a basic social retard(5), so drinking and clubbing and flat-parties were more new to me than to most students. In general I concluded that clubs are good for a bout an hour until I get bored with dancing and want to leave before the goblins get me, big flat parties suck (no were to sit, often not enough glasses/drinks/standing room and um, shitloads of pretentious art students. Heh.), whereas small ones – like six or eight people – are better because one can have an actual conversation. Or, play stupid drinking games and not have to wait forever for your turn.

We usually start off in bars anyway and then because further alcohol is cheaper if you buy a bottle and drink it indoors, decamp to someone’s flat. And as I said before there’s the mustache thing. The last one we ended up roughly 60% naked and 75% watching porn.(6) Someone fell asleep and ended up with a stripe shaved down his chest and leg. I always seem to be covered in glitter.

I may seem strange but my friends and coursemates are worse. They carry wood carving tools, smoke pipes, wake up in drug dens, headbutt people, dye their eyebrows pink, adopt strangers off the street, acquire a crazy amount of stalkers, tape cider bottles to their knees…It’s awesome…

I Kissed a Boy and I Liked It(7)

And it’s weird and awesome and weird and lovely all at the same time.

Oh, Yeah, the Course…

As my results might show I actually managed to do okay despite the fact I was mostly living out of a bag and my locker and spending at least two nights a week downing gin and coke. If you’ve never laughed so hard that rum came out of your nose(8) you’ve never lived.

I ended up doing painting for my final despite the fact that my course is jewellery and silversmithing. I made teeny canvases and set them into copper. It  was a dramatic but ridiculously difficult to wear piece that I couldn’t actually put on by myself. It was prone to tangling so I strapped it to a board and there it shall stay for ever more.

The result was that I seem to be being groomed to bring back enamel painting in contemporary jewellery…I didn’t realise it had gone anywhere. I think the tutors are just overly hopeful.

I still have doubts as to whether or not I should have just gone into actual painting, and I still kinda want to be an author too (though that’s not showing any signs of ever actually happening at this juncture) but I’m really looking forward to next year. It’s weird to want the summer holidays to be over.

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1. Incidentally, it was also the first movie I watched with my BOYFRIEND and we fell asleep half way through (drunk) and later that morning I finished it while he threw up and slept.

2. I mentioned it already, but I didn’t want to go into it then either.

3. Got one of them too, by the way.

4. And bottles.

5. And according to mensa tests taken under the influence, a mental one too. MMMM, WINDOWS.

6. There was four of us present.

7. Also a lot of girls. Ummmmm.

8. Even if you weren’t drinking rum.